After a long time keeping this entry in my draft folder, I hereby decided to make it public. I should post it earlier, but the time constraint is inevitable. I constantly editing this entry from time to time to ensure it's the best i can do.
There's a lot of things interfering with my mind right now,which worsen my already messed up mind.
I'm really depressed,despair, lost hope and faith in my study. It's true,as claim by the others, that life in matriculation isn't easy. I aware of this before making my path here, but the difficulties is far more worst than i had expected. Although my SPM result seem to be better than the rest of students here,they PWNED my ass by scoring in each subject while leaving me with my fucked up results.
So,whatever happen,i will continue to face all the fuck,bad or nice thing happen to me. Right now I'm living like a lost soul. Everyday I wake up, going to kuliah just to sit and listen to the things that I don't even get it or have the intuitive. Tutor class is just adding more pain to me as the thing explain by the teacher should've already understood by the student, but i play the game by "learn everything through tutor" which doesn't go well as the teachers are rushing to finish up the syllabus and my sluggishness to catch up will end up losing the whole game. My fucked up subject is "math"..i don't get it why most of the people here are good in math?damn it i thought i can focus more on math after leaving Biology,but seems like i failed to execute that.
Dancing and skating are the new sport that i found very interesting and im really serious into it. Life here is totally different compared to the life that I used to live. I used to only sleeping at evening but now,i play skateboard with some mate. It's an exciting activity to do but now,i've seen the effect;i become tired at night(which is the time i would studying) and this really affect my performance.
Being a loser dickhead,i still have no girl to understand and care for me.18 years of being single is damn pain. damn it im not that desperate! For all this while,i just wait for the love to come, and never try to find one. Again, im not that desperate and can even live without it..i've seen a lot of bitches n cunt posting lame fb status because they've been cheated by their so called "lover"(go fuck yourself please)..
Ohhh wait! Im not a fucking gay for your mama sake ! I still fap to sexy,beautiful bitch you could find on the net,not the big,black nikka cock!i only suck in relationship..
You know kids,
dancing and skateboarding are two activities that keep me alive. I've always loss desire to continue living here but these activities really give me hope. I also lost interest to pursue studying in any mathematics-related field and this include my dream course(computer science)goshh i dream this for all this while...owhh is there any course that is less math,a bit physic and chemistry is ok,consist of a bit about economy,finance and the most important part is "it would secure my employment"?...i doubt there is any..the world is so cruel for me..